#growing up mormon

[growingupmormon]

I hate when people say to me “just put it out of your mind” when it comes to the church, this shit formed my mind, every association I have is embedded in it. That’s why it’s so hard to leave, it’s worth leaving, but to put it out of my mind I would need a new brain

[asterias-corner]

it’s Wednesday! You know what that means? Ranting about the Mormon church <3 (i have mutual at 7 and idefk what we’re doing)

Was on the ‘ex Mormon’ tag, and i reminded myself of the whole “strength of the youth” program they had with us that one Sunday, here are some of the rules that are official that i had distaste reading and hearing my peers agree with.

(Sorry if it’s hard to read)

They had one on abortion, but i couldn’t find it- all i know is that they were saying it was against god’s commandments or some stupid shi

——-

general conference this year was annoying as all hell, i don’t remember (nor care) who had talked about being celestial, but he kept fucking saying “celestial” and every time i tuned in, I’d hear him say celestial and i was so ready to drive to the fucking conference center and cut the microphone off. Then the next week, of course they have to do the whole after conference lessons, and i found out they had 5 sessions in total?! They always have one for the women, and i hate it.

———-

Mormon girls are assholes and you cannot change my mind. I’m lucky enough to feel pretty confident in my body, despite having self harm scars- and not fitting their standards of an ideal body type. So whenever these fuckers look at me weird, specifically my scars, i want to scream. Also, there are two girls in the group above me, and they both act hella gay with eachother and when called out or called queer, they start to get offended as if they weren’t just cuddling like a married couple two seconds earlier. Girls camp, my first year- they were literally spooning each other and nobody says jack fucking shit. But the second i DARE hold the hand of my friend who was having a panic attack, my mom gets informed and i get lectured. I’m pretty openly queer, so it’s only an issue because they know who I’m attracted too. Or they assume that, they think i like girls and I’m a lesbian, but I’m literally trans and gay, but like hell I’m going to come clean about that. The only reason i enjoy mutual sometimes, is because i like to sneak off and play piano.

————

i used to have a few friends, some girls my age. Then we got into young women’s instead of the activity days class and they all ditched me, well- one did, the others either moved wards or were the age group above me. But every time i open my mouth, I’m instantly treated lowly. I’ve spoken up about this too, to my parents but i can’t talk to them about anything. They protect the Mormon girls all the time, not once trying to understand why I’m upset. I also hate them because they like to judge me specifically, also these other girls who aren’t even fucking Mormon? But one of my leaders brings them to try and convert them into this hell of a cult, which isn’t working btw. But i used to be on the same bus as one of the girls, and she is super annoying, so is the other girl. They swear like a sailor, and i end up getting roped in with getting in trouble because of it. Also the fact i have to look after them and whenever i try and hangout with them, they push me off to the side and judge me.

——-

there’s still a whole truckload of things i didn’t unpack, but let’s save that for Sunday.

moral of the story? I fucking hate the Mormon church, and it shouldn’t exist. The sexism, blatant homophobia and transphobia is stupid as hell.

[quickie-comic]

The more I hear about straight people weddings the more im glad I eloped. Fuck that noise i married my wife to marry my wife not to appease the elders

[vilf-lover]

mortal hyper-religious lover and immortal entity that completely shifts their idea of the afterlife

[quickie-comic]

There is nothing more confusing to me than a feminist or gay active Mormon. I have some friends from growing up who are out as gay or trans or feminist but who insist on staying in the church. It's hard to leave, but it's harder to sit still in a room where people are testifying to your evil nature or confused mind. No wonder i have cptsd! No wonder I have chronic pain! No wonder I have trust issues and anxiety disorders!

I couldn't hold the 'truth' of the gospel one hand and my queer broken heart on the other.

Last night I found a corner of Tumblr that's all gay mormon libs and I haven't been able to stop thinking about that. how are you in a cult that hates you, you're defending it, and you're telling other young queer people to stay instead of doing literally anything else. I'm gonna go insane.

[averagecygnet-blog]

you guys wouldn't fucking believe this but growing up mormon has negative consequences

[hannahhasafact]

Listen. I don’t know if any of the Rat Grinders are gonna survive the season. But. If Buddy survives. I really think that he and Bucky should become friends.

Like I keep thinking back to that moment with Bucky and Kristen where Kristen sees potential futures for Bucky and they’re like “and maybe some of those friends even are followers of Helio and that’s okay” to paraphrase that moment

Like, think about this: neither one of them has been “betrayed” by Helio necessarily at this time. Buddy was betrayed by non believers, so if he is to somehow revert to his old beliefs it wouldn’t be that difficult to do so. Helio is still “there” for him. But he knows Helio also… wasn’t there for him specifically when he needed him. So maybe he’s got some questions about things.

Bucky still believes in Helio, but he’s being more and more exposed to a world where hey, maybe Helio isn’t all that and a bag of chips. He’s still a Helio guy, but like maybe it’s okay to question that a little bit.

And Kristen isn’t a good person for them to necessarily reach out to in terms of questions of faith, because she’s a straight up deserter in their eyes. She doesn’t GET it.

I just think these are two kids who in a way maybe aren’t ready to leave this safety net of a religion that’s like, actively harming them. But at the same time… maybe it would be nice to have a friend who kind of gets like “hey, maybe we can still believe in this guy… and maybe asks a few questions about him” but still have it be a bit of a safe space to question. Because it’s someone else who gets it, y’know?

Anyways obviously there’s some complications with this idea for obvious reasons but I keep thinking about it

[lesbiansandco]

bury me in childhood joy

they say a little girl died in that primary room,

arms folded tightly,

head bowed,

fidgeting silently.

her long natural hair, a testament to her mother's devotion:

brushing out painful knots

shaping tight braids

shoving sharp bobby pins in to keep it all together.

the itchiest dress you could imagine

but it was oh so beautiful

the scratchy fabric hurt more

as dresses increased in modesty-

modest dresses equaled more fabric

to cover up girls' vulnerable bodies.

that girl had the longest dress

she was modest. she felt like a monster.

"the spirit,"

they said,

"is a still small voice."

and for the first time, the girl recognized a lie.

the spirit was not still. was not small.

it was loud, roaring waves of emotion

that overcame her

and taught her that emotions have depth and range

she was happy. she was sad. she was crying, she was glad.

that child died before she learned the word "impulsive."

the promptings of the spirit were many. they were unpredictable.

the child didn't understand.

why would her leaders lie?

the lesson was forgettable. the message, not so much.

"you must be prepared to die for the church"

"you would rather die than deny your faith,

right?"

the child didn't comprehend martyrdom

but in that moment, she knew she would die a martyr.

and she did.

the child used to love wearing her ctr ring

"choose the right"

so she did.

she chose the right path

her ring rests on that primary chair

blackened with a sharpie and bent out of shape

[bitstitchbitch]

it’s not at all my usual kind of show but as a Utahn I couldn’t not watch the secret lives of Mormon wives and holy fuck this show. Like, I need all you non-Utahns to know that it is a pretty accurate representation of Utah. I know women like this. The crazy part is that for the sake of the show they are explaining some of the weird culture things with Mormonism and some how hearing them say stuff out loud makes it worse even if I already knew it.

Also what the fuck do you mean, the mom doesn’t get to help bless the child? If I was Mormon that would piss me off.

[crisisdotorg]

I will never get over growing up poor in a religious mormon household where my parents still gave 10% of their income to the church (tithing) despite maxing out dozens of credit cards every month to feed the 10 children the church encouraged them to have.

[libroseitm]

Can I just... I super need to rant cus still feeling quite raw. Warning: it's gonna get really depressing really fast.

I saw my parents yesterday. My parents who are still in the cult (LDS church) that I grew up in which I left two years ago. My parents who are homophobic despite insisting that they're not, who are transphobic, who think relationships must look one way and one way only, who have damaging political views and the list goes on and fuckin on.

When they're over, they expect me to change who I am because a lot of who I am offends them. They don't stop to think that a lot of who they are offends me. They don't think that it might be appropriate to meet half way. That's pretty normal for members of their "church". Ex-memebers are the ones who must change, otherwise they risk those delicate relationships crumbling to the ground.

They would not want a relationship with me with I were my true self around them.

So it fuckin hurts when they tell me they love me. Because it's no longer me they're talking to. I've hidden so much of myself around them, right down to the way I talk (no, seriously) that they're not telling me they love me. They're telling somebody else.

I can't even listen to the music I want to listen to when I escape to the kitchen to make food without fear of some of the songs offending them. Without fear of creating a huge scene.

When trying to show my mum an approximation of the hair style I want, I was looking for a picture of Ed Teach (Our Flag Means Death). I found the one I wanted, paused, and then cropped out Stede. I had to crop him out because my mum can't look at two men in love without making some snide comment.

They have no fucking clue who I am. Because they have no desire to know.

Their love is conditional. They add caviats, and 'despite this' to their love. And it fuckin sucks.

[squarerooto]

the fnaf fandom needs to play around with the fact that it all takes place in utah. where's the mormon aftons content.

[studyinglavender]

sorry! but i am never going to be okay with the covert unless it is reformed significantly. maybe it doesn’t fit the ‘technical definition’ of a cult but it is nonetheless a harmful creed. the person being baptized in 3x01 was a child no older than 16. if you are being asked to follow the way or leave, sure- you’re given agency. but if it’s the only community you know? you’re staying. for din, especially pre-grogu, it wasn’t a choice. if he took off his helmet and became an apostate, he would lose the only family he has ever known. do you not see how fucked up that is?

it’s unfair to compare it to a religion which requires full covering at all times, because even those religions allow you to be unclothed in private, among your family members, and in emergency scenarios such as a life-threatening head injury. there is no inaccessible repentance process if you do not abide by those rules. whereas the creed requires the helmet to remain on at all times (in s1, din said it could not be removed in front of a living creature, but that exception wasn’t specified in the armorer’s questioning in bobf or in the baptism from 3x01). bathing in the living waters isn’t like going to confessional or praying. it is something that was considered impossible by the members of the covert. redemption for apostates was not a reality until din proved them wrong.

the covert also reminds me too much of mormonism to ever feel comfortable defending it. i felt sick watching the first episodes of s3 when din kept talking about how he was an apostate who needed to be redeemed. a fucking apostate. for taking off his helmet to save the life of his child. for letting his child see his face. for that, they were prepared to exile him from the covert, knowing full well it is the only community he has ever known. you know what’s so scary about leaving the mormon church? if you’ve grown up in it, most of the time your social network is comprised only of other church members. you’re encouraged to avoid making friends with people who may lead you astray—because they drink coffee or alcohol, smoke, swear (i’m not kidding). you remain in this small bubble, and after you are baptized at age 8 (which is the age they decide you have agency and are capable of sinning), you second-guess every choice you make. i cried because i could never remember to say my prayers or read my scriptures and i knew i needed to repent for my sins. and when i started questioning my beliefs, i was so terrified of facing the truth because i thought my mom would no longer want me in her life. i distanced myself from many friends to avoid their judgement. i knew if i left, there was no going back. i would be inserting a wedge between me and the other people of my faith with whom i had grown.

for much of his life, din has known only the covert. he was brought up as a foundling and he knew only of the creed. he was taught that the mandalorian armor belonged only to those who followed the creed and rejected the idea that there could be a mandalorian who may not hold the same beliefs. we know he was a very lonely person before grogu. the covert was the only family he ever had. how is it a choice, then? “you may leave at any time you wish,” but if he takes off his helmet, he is an apostate and he must find a new home, a new family, a new belief system. he would have no one. what kind of a choice is that? in what world would he ever want to take off his helmet?

so yeah, the covert is not just a religious sect hiding from persecution. they are, at best, a high-demand religion, where allowing your child to see your face is an unfathomable act that necessitates redemption. if din djarin remains part of the covert as it stands, that’s extremely disappointing.

[stormsbourne]

sometimes I think "no, saying aggressively online 'leftists' are prone to being duped into right wing grifts is unfair" and then I come across somebody who says that innocent little baby children (age 14) shouldn't be forced to look at porn

does this child have the internet? does this child have a television? has this child seen a pg13 movie? they have already probably seen worse than whatever is in the nefarious "porn books"

glad that this year kink-at-pride discourse has a new buddy, idiots being convinced by homophobic and transphobic right wing grifters that children are being inundated with porn

(this is without getting into how many children from age 10+ [and sometimes younger!] are already fucking around with their own bodies and with each other's and these sorts of resources are paramount in areas with abstinence only sex ed)

[kryptid-of-the-krows]

Every time someone brings up "feeling different" in church I always misunderstand. They say "at school, you feel different and you don't do things your friends are doing. You feel left out about stuff you don't go to, and people treat you differently" and I'm like "yeah I get that!!" And they're like "...because your a good Christian!"

And I'm like " ha! No . I'm like that because I'm queer with extremely strict and fucked up parents, but thanks anyways<3"

[nobetafortomorrowedie]

fun fact about me: in another life I killed myself instead of finding healing and leaving the mormon church

but also in a different alternate reality I never needed healing and possibly never left the church and this is what haunts me